WIIFY
a.k.a.: What's In It For You. (you = your audience)
“Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?”1
Whatever you are trying to do, whatever you are trying to convey, aim to consider “what’s in it for” the person on the other side of the table. What do they want? What are their goals? Frame your idea in terms of what it accomplishes for them and you’re more likely to have your message resonate.
Throughout my life (and especially in my career) I've been told that I'm “intimidating”.
As a woman who stands at 5'3", this has always struck me as...funny? Ironic? Misplaced?
When I get this feedback, I think (sometimes out loud): “Intimidating!? What would I do? Kick them in the shins?”
Needless to say, it's a pill I’ve struggled to swallow, and feedback I haven’t wanted to confront.
Eventually I was forced to. At Square, I was hitting roadblocks that were hindering my growth and in an effort to resolve, I suggested going through a 360 review. (Silly Rabbit!)
The message was that regardless of my stature, I was "scary," "too direct," "overly critical," and "intimidating."
Yikes!
I was not being seen as a team player. My team had a reputation for "working on projects in a silo" and "pushing forward initiatives without buy-in from others," which gave the impression that I look out for my "own interest to be seen as a high performer rather than thinking about how decisions might impact teammates or the broader organization."2
Double, (triple?!) YIKES!
So at risk of being defensive, I am going to do two things:
Acknowledge that perception is reality, AND
Share my perspective
So, first: I had to confront it. Eat the whole damn humble pie. That sucks, and also, knowledge is power.
And second, for the sake of demonstrating that there are two sides to every story, here’s where I was coming from: I started in my role when I was four months pregnant. Where others were getting “silo,” I was aiming to contribute as much as possible and make as much progress before going out on leave. I had also taken on an area of recruiting that hadn’t previously seen dedicated support, and coming from a startup background, gave off “pushing things forward without buy-in.” And in intending to share lessons from scrappy, continuous improvement environments (read: big sister energy), the impression was I was “overly critical” and “intimidating.”
Now as you Carneg-erds know well, this is a prime example of intention ≠ impact. So, in digesting the feedback with my manager, we discussed that there were two sides I needed to address: obviously individual relationships, for the sake of building general affinity and trust; and context on and around my work – some of which was more input-heavy, and collaborative than people understood, and some specific cases, highly (but temporarily) confidential.
While relationships were a separate matter, we decided that there was an opportunity to share some background and progress on my areas of work, so people could see behind the curtain of what I was working on, and how my work complemented and fit in relative to theirs.
So I came back the next week with a short presentation. I was feeling really good about repairing my situation (and reputation!). Except that I when I shared what I had, his response was unexpected:
“OK. This is good information. But...what's in it for them?”
“Excuse me?”
“What's in it for them? Why should they care?”
“Well...they just told the 360 people that they don't know what I do or why I do it, and so I am explaining it.”
“Sure, but, Bryce — people only care, and people only listen when there's something 'in it' for THEM. What's in it for them?”
I was stunned and horrified. Again. (It was a tough couple of weeks!)
He went on: “W. I. I. F. Y.: What's in it for you? ‘You’ being your audience. Anytime you share or tell or say anything, you should consider 'what's in it for' your audience. Every single time.”
And, to be honest, I was taken aback. Mostly because I was at square-one again for my presentation: that was most certainly not how I was addressing it and it was, frankly, epiphany-level guidance.
Everything I say should be said in terms of “what's in it for” the other person? That's a lot of work!
As I started to take it to heart, and put it to practice, I came to see that he was...right.
As Dale teaches us,
"When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves."3
So to get what we want from a desired outcome, to simply getting our point across, we're best served to speak in the terms of what matters to our audience.
Dale also puts it quite bluntly:
“Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absured [sic]. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So, the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”4
To put WIIFY into practice, avoid building a single pitch (whether it's for recruiting, sales, or simply presenting your idea). Instead: tailor your material to include language your listener will understand, and that highlights what’s in it for them:
How will they benefit from what you have to offer?
How will you help them meet their goals?
In my case, the message was transformative: first of all for the presentation (I ended in a wildly different place than I started – most centrally that it didn’t come from the lens of: “let me tell you about my work” and instead from: “I would be interested to get your take and insights for some initiatives that we see happening with partners around the organization,”), and of course more profoundly as it pertained to how I fostered relationships with my teammates.
The guidance became a drumbeat: when it comes to the things you want to do or say, you’re best setup to succeed by considering your audience and “what’s in it for” them.
For more on what’s in it for you(r audience):
Read: How to Tell a Story: The Essential Guide to Memorable Storytelling, Kate Tellers, Catherine Burns, Jenifer Hixson, Meg Bowles, Sarah Austin Jenness
Listen: It’s Not About You: Why Effective Communicators Put Others First, Think Fast, Talk Smart the Podcast by Stanford GSB, with Nancy Duarte
For related content on What Would Dale Do? Check out Make It Easy!
HTWFAIP, pg. 32
Citation from 360 Review doc
HTWFAIP, pg. 27
HTWFAIP, pg. 30-31