The Paradox of Change
Change is hard, and change is constant.
Today’s piece is about the greatest epiphany I’ve ever had: change is hard.
Now, while I know this is not earth-shattering, the acceptance of it really transformed the way I see the world. From deciding to wean the babies off their pacis, to surfing the waves of a re-org, to your long-time hairstylist moving out of town (hack: long-distance relationships are possible), change is HARD.
It’s also constant. And so it’s a life skill to get better at managing through it.
Let’s explore what Dale would do:
“No one likes to take orders.”1
As humans, we prefer to keep doing what we’re already doing rather than to change our behavior — most any time (we know it, it’s comfortable!). And, if we stay in our comfort zone, we ourselves will never change, and we won’t be able to enable growth (in others). The challenge is that change is uncomfortable, and there are few things we like less than being uncomfortable.
Said differently for the physics lovers: “Objects in motion tend to stay in motion; objects at rest tend to stay at rest.”
Another colloquialism that sums it up: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.
In startups, it’s common for the “job to be done”2 to change (all the damn time). So, continuing to do the things that generated past results will generally struggle to succeed against new goals.
One of the reasons that change is hard, or hard to be motivated to pursue, is we don't want to feel badly about who we are, or about how we are. We want to feel proud of our behavior, rather than shameful or regretful about it.
On her podcast “Dare to Lead”, Brené Brown says, “The biggest shame trigger at work is the fear of irrelevance. [That] what I know, who I am, what I’m contributing to, is not relevant anymore.”3
People resist change because sunsetting past activities of success and relevance can make a person fearful that they themselves will become irrelevant in a new world order.
However, it’s the “Fear of irrelevance becomes [a] self-fulfilling prophecy: change will come eventually, and will ultimately leave behind the people who keep their heels dug in.”4 Interesting, right?!
But my favorite reason – the “proof,” if you will – that change is hard lies in the Kübler-Ross Curve:
Now commonly used to reflect the emotional response to change, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross originally published this five stages’ model based on her extensive study of dying patients, and their processing of grief.
And since change is constant, I’ve found that it’s helpful to keep this chart in mind literally anytime I’m planning, discussing, or navigating change at work.
Which is…constantly (as you might have guessed).
The most illustrative example is in employee terminations. In fact, now that I often work remotely, I’ll keep the change curve up on my screen when I’m facilitating a termination, because the reminder of its predictability (and the order of stages) is super helpful.
And often, you see the whole process play out in front of your eyes:
Shock and Denial: “Wow, this is such upsetting news, I can’t believe it! What do you mean? That can’t be, I’m in the middle of a bunch of projects!”
Anger: “I can’t believe you! This is ridiculous! After all these years!??!”
Bargaining: “Come on, man! I’ve done so much here, we can turn things around. What if we see how the rest of these projects play out?”
Depression: “Argh! This is so upsetting! I didn’t think I’d come to work and lose my job today! What am I going to do?” (or, crying)
Acceptance: “Yes, I understand. OK. Yes, thank you for the opportunity.”
Certainly some terminations don’t go this way…but many do. For one, I wish I had seen this before I fired someone for the first time. I cried. Pro tip: don’t do that.
The change curve and its stages are helpful to remember while planning for internal communications around change as well.
The anti-pattern to success is notifying everyone about changes all at the same time. In fact, I’ve found that news of change lands most seamlessly the more thoughtfully and coordinated the messaging is staged.
Let’s consider an example:
There are two large teams merging together, so that one top-line lead now reports to the other, and there’s a middle manager who’s eliminated from the organization entirely.
Could you imagine the vibe and the horror if all of these people were informed of the changes all together? It would be awful! And awkward!
Instead: role eliminations, and manager/reporting-line changes should be handled 1:1.
Senior leaders should be well-aligned.
Messaging should be coordinated, and managers should not be surprised.
→ The purpose here is in giving the most time to traverse the change curve to those you need to play along well with the changes, and those you rely on to shepherd the changes.
The next thing to remember, especially when you’re read-in early, is that by the time the next group is receiving the information, you are further along in the processing stages than they are.
So, when they’re shocked, or angry, or start bargaining, or seem depressed you can recognize it’s all normal, it’s all predictable, and they will eventually make their way to acceptance.
Change is hard (its emotional response patterns mimic grief, after all), and yet change is also constant. That’s because for startups, your business either grows or it dies. So, embrace the change – and perhaps even try to lean into it! It can be a superpower to learn to get good at furthering change when you find it knocking at your door.
Again, it’s better than the alternative!
See you next Tuesday.
For more on change:
Read: High Growth Handbook, Elad Gil
Listen: ‘Why Ed Catmull, Co-Founder of Pixar, Says “We’re All In This Together”’ on Lattice’s All-Hands Podcast
And related on What Would Dale Do? Check out Anticipate Loss Aversion.
HTWFAIP, pg. 208
https://jobs-to-be-done.com/jobs-to-be-done-a-framework-for-customer-needs-c883cbf61c90
https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-armored-versus-daring-leadership-part-2-of-2/#transcript
https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-armored-versus-daring-leadership-part-2-of-2/#transcript