It's not goodbye...yet
A farewell to Dale, part 1 of 3
“Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”1
Too many people write themselves off as being “not good at remembering names.” Not because they’re wrong (I’m sure they are terrible at remembering names), but because it’s a silly and careless excuse and, even worse, a neuroscience-backed, self-fulfilling prophecy. (More on that part in a second).
In HTWFAIP, Dale implores his readers to understand the value of remembering names, in the chapter titled: “If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble.”
He writes:
“The name sets the individual apart; it makes [them] unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.”
And even among us commoners, who doesn’t wrinkle their nose upon finding their own name poorly misspelled on their coffee order?
Remembering a name is a controllable micro-habit that pays off with dividends in terms of rapport, relationships, good will, and favor.
As for the science, it turns out people believe their own words more than they believe others’: and if something is repeated more than other statements, it’s what your brain will believe2; so saying, “I’m not good at remembering names,” will buttress your conviction, reinforce the behavior, and ultimately make it more true. Isn’t that wild??
The opportunity here lies in one single word, and a practice I’m borrowing from my kids’ kindergarten: “yet.”
Which turns the condemnation into: “I’m not good at remembering names…yet.”
Which implies:
I can be
I want to be
I will be
When we tell ourselves that version, the one of possibility, hope, and optimism, we change what’s reinforced internally.
So, believe in yourself: just like my kiddos learned to read, write, tie their shoes (important) and wipe their butts (more important), you can learn names, to dance, to vibe code, to influence people (and win friends!); you can do hard things. Even if you can’t do them yet.
HTWFAIP, pg. 79