Seek to avoid "needing"
In any setting, desperation is *not* cute!
“Reeking of desperation” is an expression for a reason: sometimes an urgency, want, or craving doesn’t quite present with a specific visual cue – it’s just there; you can smell it.
This holds true in hiring and interviewing, too: it’s always a bad sign when either party is getting too needy or fiendish about a prospect (always!!).
To draw a parallel: to say “I really need a coffee,” might seem innocuous, but - there’s something about the casual use of “need” that’s disempowering; it makes one captive to fulfillment. And since we believe the words we say to ourselves, saying “I need coffee” will increasingly cause psychological and physical dependency on coffee.1
When there’s “need” for something, it reinforces that there is “not enough” without.
Alternatives in this situation might include:
I’ll treat myself to a coffee
I want a coffee
I’m choosing to drink coffee
In these versions, there’s choice; and choice is power.
Now, I’m not trying to be ignorant to the sensitivity around and importance of a job (life is expensive and money doesn’t grow on trees) AND ALSO – hot take –
There are about a zillion ways to make money: they may not look the same, or pay the same, but dangit if opportunity isn’t everywhere!2
So to combat the feeling of desperation in an interview setting: what if, instead of “I NEED THIS JOB!!”
→ The approach flipped to: “I want to contribute!”
“I want to find the right place, and ways, to contribute.”
Need → want. It’s such a different posture.
…That’s: suggesting edits.
That’s what’s coming next from us here on Substack: battlefield-informed, and coined in honor of our favorite GDoc feature: Suggesting Edits3.
No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas.4
This new Substack is for working together; working better; with your fellow humans and with AI. Because friends don’t let friends walk around with spinach in their teeth. And so while this is “Goodbye” to Dale, honoring him through our version of sharing our tools for (and lessons of) winning friends and influencing people will continue on.
See you there! Happy New Year!
Battlefield-informed perspective after 2008 layoffs, and [almost] four years of self-employment!
If you’d like to try “suggesting edits,” find your favorite shareable doc, look for where it says “Editing” and and hit the toggle down menu for the “Suggesting” option. The best!
HTWFAIP, pg. 156